First Year

{from here}

Today, I find myself missing first year.

It seems so long ago, but also so crystal clear that it could have been just days ago. My first night living on my own was spent huddled on my bed in my teeny tiny dorm room, reading. Because I sure knew how to party.  I remember - just for a second - missing high school and the ease and comfort of it all. I had no idea what was in store for me. The few high school friends that went to the same university as me lived in a different residence area and I remember feeling that I wouldn't get along with any of the other girls on my floor because they were all so outgoing. This assumption, looking back, was crazy. It was crazy for two reasons. Reason numero uno was because I had been that outgoing, enthusiastic person in high school, so why now could I not see myself in that light again? The other reason why that assumption was crazy is because those girls ended up becoming some of my best friends. Even now, almost five years later, I still don't go a day without connecting with them in some way.

midnight grocery runs. watching Martha Stewart during breaks from class while simultaneously admiring and mocking her. dressing up for formals. dressing down for playing football in a perpetually muddy field. laughing and crying along with those silly, wonderful Gilmore Girls. running around at 2am delivering secret christmas treasures to floormates' doors and pretending to be santa's elves. falling in love with John Mayer. escapades around our snowy, beautiful campus. performing in Grease the musical as the terribly annoying Patty Simcox. decorating my dorm room with inside jokes and fake letters from Conan O'Brien, written by my best friend and "hand delivered" to my door. 

As much as I couldn't wait to leave school and be done with grueling hours upon hours of lectures and studying and paper writing, I look back on it with such love now. For the first time since graduating, I actually miss the student life. It's not that I dislike the life I lead now. I appreciate that I am able to contribute to others having those same amazing experiences in university and I really do appreciate not having the thought "I should be studying right now" hanging over my head 24/7. But at the same time, I miss having my best friends right down the hall from me and being able to act like a silly seventeen year old. I guess, just like I did on that first night in my dorm room, I find myself missing the time in my life that I have had to let go of. But again, just like on that first night, I still have no idea what was in store for me. If I've learned anything from this brief trip down memory lane it's that what was in store for me then were experiences that I will never forget and have made me a better, happier, smarter, and more confident person and that - if experience has taught me anything - that's precisely what's going to happen in the next few years as well.

So bring it.